I'll Push You by Patrick Gray & Justin Skeesuck

Author:Patrick Gray & Justin Skeesuck [Gray, Patrick]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: BIOGRAPHY & AUTOBIOGRAPHY / Personal Memoirs, RELIGION / Christian Life / Personal Growth
Publisher: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
Published: 2017-06-05T16:00:00+00:00

Second grade should be a time when kids learn how to write stories and master addition and subtraction, rather than being exposed to pornography. I was a smart kid and had no problem with second grade math or writing, but my mind was often filled with images of naked women. A boy in my class had stolen a magazine from his dad’s collection, and our curiosity about the female body drove us to peruse the images with some frequency.

Though it seemed innocuous at first, and my understanding of what I was seeing was limited, a quiet longing to see more was growing in my mind. With the turn of each page, I became more thoroughly intoxicated by the airbrushed beauty depicted there. By the time I turned twelve, I had a pocket calendar of topless women hidden in my room. But that wasn’t enough. I felt a growing desire to see more—a hunger that was hard to explain and even harder to satisfy.

By early high school, what I was seeing in those explicit magazines was undermining what my parents had taught me about how women should be treated and respected. Every picture and every lustful thought polluted my view of my female friends, fellow students, and later, my coworkers. I explained away my compulsive desire, telling myself, It’s okay; it’s human nature to be attracted. But in convincing myself that what I was experiencing was normal, I was giving the secret I carried more weight and more control.

Every time I sought to satisfy my “need,” I could feel the grip of pornography tightening. The tighter the grip, the darker the secret; the darker the secret, the more power my addiction had over me, and the greater my need. For years, both Patrick and I struggled with this addiction independently.

We were in college before we knew about each other’s struggle, and it would be several more years before we reached the level of honesty and vulnerability we are experiencing here on the Camino. Christie’s struggles may differ—the lies she’s believed are not the same ones I’ve believed—but I see a common thread. Christie, Patrick, and I have all exchanged truth for lies. Christie is walking into this realization afresh.

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